Life has been hectic for me lately. Our office moved to another (higher) floor and the move took one whole week. This was our 3rd time to move in a span of 10 years or so due to belt-tightening measures in our agency. (The space we’re occupying now belongs to the provincial government which generously allowed us to set up office in the building rent-free).
Each time we moved, it was to a smaller space.
Our office belongings, which once occupied one whole building to start with, drastically pared down to fit a space just thrice the size of my bedroom. In this latest move, we were forced to let go of three office tables and a long library shelf that contained press clippings and information materials which we donated to the city library.
The process of moving is always, for me, a bit emotionally distressing (aside from how toilsome it is). It’s always unsettling when you’re plucked from your comfort zone. I’m no stranger to this – I dealt with it at the home front during my childhood, when my parents moved from Manila to Bacolod City then to Dumaguete City, which I’ve called my home for more than 25 years now.
When I was boxing up my office things the previous weeks, and choosing which to give away or throw away and which to keep, I found it stressful because I had to shed more than what I can keep due to the smaller size of our new office.
I have hoarding tendencies; I have this fear of throwing away documents or supplies because I might need them someday. It’s like holding on to a dress that doesn’t fit me anymore just because I might lose weight later on and wear it again. I’m fixed on the possibility.
But it was therapeutic at the same time. I didn’t realize that I was holding on to files dating back to 2000! If I didn’t need them the past year, surely I won’t be needing them in the future? This was the reason I kept telling myself as I dug through the pile to reject the urge to keep them.
It feels lighter now also, as I look at the 5 remaining file boxes near my table. My 3 office drawers, once filled with old receipts, notebooks, and planners (and even old love letters!), are now spacious. Although there’s still clutter, it’s a lean and mean one.
Above is a shot of the computer table next to my desk which also doubles as storage unit. This is still a work in progress. That CRT monitor isn’t working and will be “turned over without cost” to the local government. Once the monitor is gone, I’m going to re-arrange everything, make it look neater and more organized. I like my office table’s surface clutter-free, so I’m placing the pen holders and flowers and everything else here on the computer stand.
The office transfer is not the sole reason I haven’t blogged for some time, though. About 3 weeks ago, I received two bad news. Two “opportunities” that I prayed for didn’t push through. I know the Lord has something else in store for me, a better one, but I can’t help feeling depressed.
Days after I got the bad news, it felt like I was walking in a daze. I couldn’t bring myself to write anything. Newly bought books were left unread. I no longer checked what’s showing in the local movies. I stopped reading the blogs I’m following. I stopped writing on my journal. I even stopped checking my emails and Facebook notifications, which I used to do often, on a daily basis.
I felt numb. I felt dumbed down, if that makes sense. I just stopped showing interest in anything. Going about my daily routine felt more mechanical, like I was a robot just going through the pretenses of being human.
Although I’m feeling better lately, the numbness is still there. But at least I’m writing here again, and that’s a good sign, isn’t it?